(Saturday, May 13, 2006-)
+12:05:00 PM]*
+12:05:00 PM]*
# Soccer Fever.-
The World Cup is coming. The Champions League Final is coming. The Nokia Defend Your Turf competition just ended. So now everyone who's male in our clique is having soccer fever. So to cap it all off, we designated a PLAY SOCCER DAY!
Empress Theater Football Club Team A.
Empress Theater Football Club Team B.
In both pictures, star goalkeeper and breakdancer Ashley was the photographer, so naturally, he wasn't featured inside.
Let's take a look at the players that make the unknown club into an almost-unkown club.
Empress Theater Football Club Statistics
Manager(s): Tiffany, Felicia & Jenifer.
Team Coaches: Tiffany, Felicia & Jenifer.
Team Physios: Tiffany, Felicia & Jenifer.
Team Caterers: Tiffany, Felicia & Jenifer.
Team Cheerleaders: Tiffany, Felicia & Jenifer.
Sponsors: Maxim, FHM, Playboy.
Players: 7.
Highest Transfer Fee Paid: $0.50 for Theophilus Chen from Baka FC.
Highest League Finish: 1st in the Yeo's 5th Division. (10 leagues below the S-League)
Other Competitions:
Siemens Defend Your Dustbin: Winners, 2006
AFC Jitao Freaking Amateurs Champions Tournament: Runners Up, 2005
Promoted to the Uncle Djengot 4th Division next season.
And here are the players:
Name: Muhammad Fadzli Shah.
Nickname: Para King.
Age: 21.
Position: Forward Left, Center.
Previous Clubs: SAFFC, Yew Tee Longkang Chui FC.
Goals: 12,234 in all competitions since turning amateur.
This young man has been responsible for many of ETFC's many achievements for the past 4 years. His 12,234 goal haul is touted as fake, but records have shown he is a prolific scorer, even in his sleep! His technique, also known as the Para Dribble, has been known to cause confusion among seasoned defenders such as Nesta, Costacurta, Pasta and the Mata.
Name: Norman Mah Kok Leong.
Nickname: Kyori, SGT Squirrel.
Age: 21.
Position: Defender Left, Center.
Previous Clubs: KOFFC, Newater FC.
Goals: 24.
Norman is the reliable all-action defender with no regards to anyone who gets in his way. Its been told that if he were to run in the Kranji Racecourse, he could outrun some of the more seasoned horses, such is his speed. He has also been rumoured to have a purplish-flame secret technique he uses when in desperation, must-win soccer matches situations.
Name: Soh Wei Zhong.
Nickname: Wei Z Hong, Robertok Carlok.
Age: 18.
Position: Defender/Attacker Left, Center.
Previous Clubs: Hongsters FC.
Goals: 14.
Young and upcoming central defender Wei Zhong is a marauding attacker, as well as a rock hard defender. Has been attacting interested of foreign clubs like Middle Eastern clubs Al-Ameen, Al-Gore and Al-Al-Al. Steady defender who is able to read the game well.
Name: Dickson Tan Rui Ru.
Nickname: I'm-Coming-You-Dick, Brokeback.
Age: 18.
Position: Attacking Midfielder Right, Center.
Previous Clubs: None.
Goals: 69.
Dickson Tan is the product of ETFC's questionable youth system. A midfielder with a keen eye for goal, he has been compared to midfield greats such as Paul Scolds, Marco van Bastard, Deco-ration and Babi Alonso.
Name: Sebastian (?)
Nickname: The Magician, The Drummer.
Age: 17.
Position: Defender Right, Center.
Previous Clubs: David Blaine FC.
Goals: 3.
Another one of ETFC's youth system graduates, he plied his trade of David Blaine FC before making a grand return to the club which nurtured him. He won several awards while spending his youth at the club, such as "Flasher" awards 5 years in a row, "Firm Butt" winner for 2 years and not forgetting the "Gei-Giang-Go-Sentosa-Jump-Into-The-Water-And-Almost-Lost-His-Specs" award. His true identity is yet to be known.
Name: Ashley.
Nickname: Breaker.
Age: 17.
Position: Goalkeeper.
Previous Clubs: Yamakasi FC.
Goals: 1.
He may have a female name, and a respectable cleavage, but this guy is a top performer for ETFC. Agile and acrobatic, his saves are the pillars for ETFC's title-winning season. A bargain buy from Yamakasi FC for just $0.20. Clubs such as Arse-Anal, Whiteburn, Livertub have expressed interest to sign him.
Name: Theophilus Chen Shen Jun.
Nickname: Cramps Man, The Green Dick, Palawan Beach Monster, The 45 Year Old Virgin. Takumi.
Age: 45
Position: Striker.
Previous Clubs: Bakero FC, Baka FC.
Goals: 13,475
Theophilus is THE most prolific striker of all time. The 45 year old with the youthful face has been known to strike fear into opponents. Oddly enough, this has been proven, because after every match, opponents do not dare to walk past him. The reason, however, has not been clarified. He is of Japanese-Korean-Pakistani-Bangladeshi-Chinese-Ang Moh-Lang descent.
There you go, the factfile of every player important to ETFC. Now here are some pictures of the players in action.
The key players in the Siemens Defend Your Dustbin tournament, posing with their.. er.. trophy.
The picture where Dickson earned his Brokeback nickname.
Theophilus Chen in action. I think.
Team Photos:
Watch this space for the next update, hopefully with videos!
Empress Theater Football Club Team A.
Empress Theater Football Club Team B.
In both pictures, star goalkeeper and breakdancer Ashley was the photographer, so naturally, he wasn't featured inside.
Let's take a look at the players that make the unknown club into an almost-unkown club.
Empress Theater Football Club Statistics
Manager(s): Tiffany, Felicia & Jenifer.
Team Coaches: Tiffany, Felicia & Jenifer.
Team Physios: Tiffany, Felicia & Jenifer.
Team Caterers: Tiffany, Felicia & Jenifer.
Team Cheerleaders: Tiffany, Felicia & Jenifer.
Sponsors: Maxim, FHM, Playboy.
Players: 7.
Highest Transfer Fee Paid: $0.50 for Theophilus Chen from Baka FC.
Highest League Finish: 1st in the Yeo's 5th Division. (10 leagues below the S-League)
Other Competitions:
Siemens Defend Your Dustbin: Winners, 2006
AFC Jitao Freaking Amateurs Champions Tournament: Runners Up, 2005
Promoted to the Uncle Djengot 4th Division next season.
And here are the players:
Name: Muhammad Fadzli Shah.
Nickname: Para King.
Age: 21.
Position: Forward Left, Center.
Previous Clubs: SAFFC, Yew Tee Longkang Chui FC.
Goals: 12,234 in all competitions since turning amateur.
This young man has been responsible for many of ETFC's many achievements for the past 4 years. His 12,234 goal haul is touted as fake, but records have shown he is a prolific scorer, even in his sleep! His technique, also known as the Para Dribble, has been known to cause confusion among seasoned defenders such as Nesta, Costacurta, Pasta and the Mata.
Name: Norman Mah Kok Leong.
Nickname: Kyori, SGT Squirrel.
Age: 21.
Position: Defender Left, Center.
Previous Clubs: KOFFC, Newater FC.
Goals: 24.
Norman is the reliable all-action defender with no regards to anyone who gets in his way. Its been told that if he were to run in the Kranji Racecourse, he could outrun some of the more seasoned horses, such is his speed. He has also been rumoured to have a purplish-flame secret technique he uses when in desperation, must-win soccer matches situations.
Name: Soh Wei Zhong.
Nickname: Wei Z Hong, Robertok Carlok.
Age: 18.
Position: Defender/Attacker Left, Center.
Previous Clubs: Hongsters FC.
Goals: 14.
Young and upcoming central defender Wei Zhong is a marauding attacker, as well as a rock hard defender. Has been attacting interested of foreign clubs like Middle Eastern clubs Al-Ameen, Al-Gore and Al-Al-Al. Steady defender who is able to read the game well.
Name: Dickson Tan Rui Ru.
Nickname: I'm-Coming-You-Dick, Brokeback.
Age: 18.
Position: Attacking Midfielder Right, Center.
Previous Clubs: None.
Goals: 69.
Dickson Tan is the product of ETFC's questionable youth system. A midfielder with a keen eye for goal, he has been compared to midfield greats such as Paul Scolds, Marco van Bastard, Deco-ration and Babi Alonso.
Name: Sebastian (?)
Nickname: The Magician, The Drummer.
Age: 17.
Position: Defender Right, Center.
Previous Clubs: David Blaine FC.
Goals: 3.
Another one of ETFC's youth system graduates, he plied his trade of David Blaine FC before making a grand return to the club which nurtured him. He won several awards while spending his youth at the club, such as "Flasher" awards 5 years in a row, "Firm Butt" winner for 2 years and not forgetting the "Gei-Giang-Go-Sentosa-Jump-Into-The-Water-And-Almost-Lost-His-Specs" award. His true identity is yet to be known.
Name: Ashley.
Nickname: Breaker.
Age: 17.
Position: Goalkeeper.
Previous Clubs: Yamakasi FC.
Goals: 1.
He may have a female name, and a respectable cleavage, but this guy is a top performer for ETFC. Agile and acrobatic, his saves are the pillars for ETFC's title-winning season. A bargain buy from Yamakasi FC for just $0.20. Clubs such as Arse-Anal, Whiteburn, Livertub have expressed interest to sign him.
Name: Theophilus Chen Shen Jun.
Nickname: Cramps Man, The Green Dick, Palawan Beach Monster, The 45 Year Old Virgin. Takumi.
Age: 45
Position: Striker.
Previous Clubs: Bakero FC, Baka FC.
Goals: 13,475
Theophilus is THE most prolific striker of all time. The 45 year old with the youthful face has been known to strike fear into opponents. Oddly enough, this has been proven, because after every match, opponents do not dare to walk past him. The reason, however, has not been clarified. He is of Japanese-Korean-Pakistani-Bangladeshi-Chinese-Ang Moh-Lang descent.
There you go, the factfile of every player important to ETFC. Now here are some pictures of the players in action.
The key players in the Siemens Defend Your Dustbin tournament, posing with their.. er.. trophy.
The picture where Dickson earned his Brokeback nickname.
Theophilus Chen in action. I think.
Team Photos:
Watch this space for the next update, hopefully with videos!
the story ends like this;
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