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(Sunday, March 20, 2005-)
+10:30:00 PM]*
# Torn.-
"Is there something about me that makes the whole world lie to me? I never killed anyone. I never maimed anybody. Yet seems to me everybody thinks I am the best person to lie to... Sometimes I just wish my heart would just pop out and run away because its always in constant pain. Probably I have the looks of a scarecrow since no one ever takes me seriously anyway... I tried to look for sincerity in people, and people whom I really loved and cherish would do such a thing to me... don't they know I have feelings too? Don't they think I deserve to know the truth? If they dun I would gladly hang myself from the top of the fan and literally disappear. Perhaps I'm not good enough to merit their trust... they have no idea how painful it is not to even be able to get that kind of trust... Lying not to hurt my feelings? When you lied you already hurt my feelings, only telling the truth would make me feel better... but seems to me I'm not even worth 5 cents of your trust... I guess all my time spent with you was all for nought... Lying to me is much more worse than rejecting me..."
"Fadzli, until the day you die, a part of your heart will still be yearning for her... it's slowly killing you do you know that?"
"Let it kill me then... if she's already in my heart I dun have anything to lose anyway..."
And it has always been about your happiness. The only thing that's worst besides death would be watching and listening to you cry... if you are really fond of him, den by all means stick with him... I never want to see or hear you cry again. Yet I want to be there if you cry over him. I want to be the one talking to you when he hurts you... I dun care anymore whether my heart aches hearing you cry over him, I juz want to see you happy again... you know yourself that the problem was lying to me.. you didn't have to you know... I guessed remember? I guess I'm not really worth that much to you...
But I will always be here.
the story ends like this;
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