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(Tuesday, June 08, 2004-)
+11:31:00 AM]*
# Truth...-
This morning....very early in the morning...I had a good chat wif Joanna....usual stuff la....her skool my skool.....den it just so happened that I told her about me and my ongoing confusion wif 'her'....I admitted to Jo everything that I kept in my heart for the past 3 weeks....they say that the old are wise, and that they have the best advice....I beg to differ...Jo made me see a whole different view about 'her'....The truth is....I've been waiting for 3 years....I saw 'her' go thru different steads....I felt the pain whenever I saw 'her' and her guy together....unbearable as it was, I held on because I knew 'she' was happy, and all I wanted to see was for 'her' to be happy...I guessed I finally broke down my resolve 3 weeks ago....when I found out 'she' had another guy....I simply couldn't take the pain anymore...and so I avoided 'her'...throughout that time I really missed 'her' a lot....yet at the same time....I was scared to feel that pain in my heart....the fear won....
While talking....I reminded Jo about 'her' smoking thing all those years ago...dat 'she' didn't wan me to know because 'she' knew I'd get angry wif her...frankly speaking....it still burns in my heart to see 'her' smoke....Jo made me see a whole different view...she said, "What if she didn't want to tell you because she didn't want to hurt your feelings, that she cared about you..?" I just stopped thinking there and then...I never had looked at it that way before....Jo told me I was the type that would keep things to myself...which was true....and dat I was also the type that would remember only the negative things....I didn't believe it at first...but I felt that Joanna was right....I would only remember things like 'her' smoking, and 'her' steads...but I never did think of the happier moments we had together...
I recalled the numerous happy moments we had together...like the way 'her' eyes shone when I told 'her' I bought her a bear for her Valentine's Day gift 2 years ago, the way 'she' placed her head on my shoulder on the monorail in Sentosa on my birthday last year, the way 'she' slipped her arm into mine while taking pictures in the waters off Palawan Beach, the times 'she' called me just to talk crap, the times we played volleyball she'd hit the ball wrongly and give me that sweet cheeky smile of hers, the way we talked face to face when there was nothing but crap to talk about, the glint in her eyes when I bought 'her' the stuff she likes, and I'll never forget that kiss 'she' gave me during the truth and dare game we had outside Bugis....and I realized I still kept the Valentine's Day card I 'she' gave me 2 years ago....when I remembered all these things...I juz broke down and cried....it's as though I locked away all the happy memories and let out onli the sour ones....I didn't appreciate those times we had...I juz kept it all away....
This 3 weeks have been a rollercoaster ride for me...I haven't been sleeping and eating well....but now at least a part of me wun hurt so much...as long as 'she' remains happy....I'll be happy too...
the story ends like this;
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