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(Sunday, April 05, 2009-)
+11:56:00 AM]*

# Dashed.-

I change my mind. Fickle, yes. I had the other blog set up and good to go, only left to re-skin it. But somehow or another, I rather stay here then move to somewhere new. Maybe the time isn't right.

How's the layout? Wei Zhong mentioned it being like a puzzle.. so isn't that a bad thing? How does a person find their way around? Haha.. If I find another skin that I like, perhaps I'll change it. Fickle? Yeah.

Was supposed to meet Ryan, Joanna and LP for a photoshoot today. But in the end, they cancelled one hour before we were supposed to meet. Seriously. THANK YOU. All dressed up and good to go, and then cancelled. I skipped my soccer training too for you guys. Ryan probably still sleeping after clubbing. Ah. Fine then. Another day going out for a shoot alone. Won't be the first time anyway.

Its raining now though. Looks like its gonna be pretty heavy. Maybe I can finally do that rain shoot I wanted. Water theme. Looking at the clouds, I'd say it'll last.. an hour? But I'll wait for the worst of it to pass. No point going out now. The increased moisture might bother the lens and the camera.

Got my hands on the lens below;

YEAH!

AF-S VR Zoom-Nikkor 70-300mm f/4.5-5.6G IF-ED. To make a long story short, it has great zooming capabilities, vibration-reduction system and pretty much a more-than-decent lens for me to use. Fantastic stuff.

I've been doing plenty of location shoots with the camera. Marina Barrage, Henderson Ridges with Marcus, Esplanade, Botanic Gardens.. I'm looking for human volunteers for me to test out my lenses. Anyone?

I'm gonna post up my photos online, with some choice photos here. If you're interested to purchase them for project work / advertisements, just leave your contact in my tagboard. I'm starting on several themes now. I plan to have a good working archive for use. I'll post up the archive link once I get it all set up.

Thanks to Marcus, I'm also addicted to photo manipulation. Results as seen above.

I'm so glad I have a copy of CS2. Yes, I'm a noob (screw you), but I'm slowly learning. Not easy!

More later. =)

the story ends like this;
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(Friday, March 13, 2009-)
+10:57:00 AM]*

# The Final Chapter.-

I kinda decided to let this be my last post.. for this blog. When I look through the archives, I get the feeling this isn't really the person whom I want to be reminded of.. it will still remain open though, because I still want to keep the memories and and the pictures and all those funny moments I grew up with..

I think this song epitomizes what I feel right now.

So bad..a person like you..
Why did you take my heart away without my permission?
I'm living with so much difficulties
But you don't even know.

I know.. that its not me
That I'm not worthy enough for even a blink of your eye
But sometimes can't you share your smile with me too?
Even if its not love

Please turn back just once sometime
If I wait endlessly like this today
Again its the one word in my heart that I cant keep inside
I love you.

Yesterday, I laid my head on my desk
And I think I fell asleep grieving for you
When I opened my eyes, the tears had smudged
Your name and hopeless doodles

Please turn back just once sometime
If I wait endlessly like this today
Again its the one word in my heart that I can't keep inside
I love you.

As I look back at your image
which I got so used to it
I say those silent tear-like words,
I love you.

the story ends like this;
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(Sunday, March 08, 2009-)
+10:56:00 PM]*

# Confounded.-

Have you ever had one of those days where you just simply felt... lost?

Its like, you wake up, you gaze at the ceiling for a few minutes, you get up, you do your stuff, you go through the day's motions.. You eat and its tasteless, you try to inject zest by being cheery and it comes out flat.. you scroll through your phonebook to see who would be willing to go out with you, but you just can't find the heart to carry it out... you blink, and sometimes all you see is black and white.. The one person you really wanna talk to doesn't have any interest to talk to you.. you hover your mouse over a friend's email on MSN, but you know double-clicking and engaging in a conversation with them would probably mean they stop replying you halfway.. you try to keep your mind busy, but it'll find a way to drag up memories you don't want to remember.. You remember seeing her for the first time, all preppy and cute, chatting with her friends.. you remember the outings you have, you remember the smiles she gave you.. you remember the twinkle in her eye whenever you surprise or tell her something she finds amusing.. you remember how subtle her touch was, when she grabbed your arm and ran through the crowd together.. you remember her other smile, the ultra radiant one, the one that causes her cheeks to glow and her eyes to shimmer, like you're gazing into a beautiful kaleidoscope... and you recall the softness of her hair, her scent and her voice.. and then you realize, that it will never never ever happen.. and you can never have her.. because her future lies away from you, and even though you would defy everything just to be with her and spent the rest of your life growing old together, she might not feel the same way.. have you ever had that kinda day?

I've spent a week like that.. and I have no idea what to do about it...

the story ends like this;
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(Sunday, March 01, 2009-)
+12:02:00 AM]*

# --

나는 나가 당신을 위협한 경우에 진짜로 유감스럽다. 나는에 의미하지 않는다. 나는 왜 나가 일을 한지 건너오는, 나 한 무슨이 저 잘 모른다. 그러나 나가 무엇이건을 철회할 것이다 그것의 멀리 너무 늦은 지금. 그러나 당신이 무엇이건을, 저를 묵살하지 말라. 당신은 저에게, 아래로 돈다 저를, 힌트 거절할 수 있다. 그러나, 저를 묵살하지 말라.

If you think its a song.. its not.

the story ends like this;
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(Friday, February 06, 2009-)
+8:04:00 PM]*

# Closure.-

29th of January.

Its all gone now isn't it? Feelings, efforts, touch, smiles.. only memories remain.

Ironically, memories form a part of who you are, and you can never control them..

They suddenly pop up when you look at something familiar..

Like the tree we used to rest under whenever we're in Sentosa..

Like the countless times I went over to Vivo to find you.. have dinner and just talk..

Like the train station we'd meet at, where I would anxiously see whether you would reach there on time because you tend to confuse the front and back end of the train..

Like Northpoint shopping centre, backdrop of our dinners, conversations and plenty of other things...

Cineleisure, where I spent the best days of my teen years, with the best of friends and company..

Starbucks, the site of our last rendezvouz together..

My own copy of the 1st couple ring we bought, because it reminds me of how you lost your own rings, twice, and you decided to keep the 2nd one, while I kept the first..

All of your 125 letters you wrote to me, because each one told me how much you put into the relationship, throughout all our faults and errors..

Our attempt at a couple album, because we had so many pictures.. yet at the same time, I know you're not the type to take photos as well..

The countless shopping trips we had together, where you'd ask my opinion on every piece of cloth you tried..

Den I would remember the quarrels we had, all the small and big things, whether it was about my shades, or other people, or my tardiness.. and then I realized that I could have done more..

Then I'd think about the Valentine's Day trip I planned out in January, because I wanted to see you happy.. a nice candlelight dinner at Jewel Box, a Cable Car trip to Sentosa.. Songs of the sea, followed by a walk down the beach.. a little bouquet of roses in your hand, and accompanied by a new set of rings.. nothing and no one else except the 2 of us...

And then I remembered how much hurt I've caused you, unknowingly damaging myself too...

I've never had any ill thoughts of you.. no matter what happened.. because I could have done stuff to drive you to that extent..

You must be thinking of how I go to sleep comfortably every night..

Whereas in reality, I'm wide-awake at night, staring at a blank ceiling, which reflects the exact state of my inner self.. just blank.

Those nights, my mind plays havoc with my heart.. During the day, my heart runs circles inside my head..

Maybe its our age gap..

Maybe its our mentality gap..

But whatever it is, these past almost-3 years have been wonderful with you, throughout all the good and bad times...

There's not one memory I don't like..

And I do recall, you asked me this before.. several times in fact;

"When did you fall for me?"

How can I explain that? But recently, I recall a distinct moment that cemented you somewhere in me..

I was feeling down that day in Cine.. and no matter what I did, what game I played, what joke I said, everything seemed so flat..

and then you came up to me, smiled and said..

"Don't worry! Just cheer up okay?"

That's when you had me.

and 29th of January, was when I lost a part of me..

you.

the story ends like this;
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(Tuesday, January 27, 2009-)
+10:07:00 PM]*

# Subside.-

For those of you who saw my previous post.. I wanna apologize for that. It was an uncharacteristic outburst from me. I'm sorry you had to see that. I'm okay now. so no worries.

Anyway, I just wanted to wish you my chinese friends out there a wonderful and prosperous Year of the Ox. Which also happens to be the year I was born in. So supposedly, its gonna be MY year. We'll see about that.

Been hooked on a new American drama series recently, Kyle XY. Check it out;

Its the story about the guy on the right, Kyle is his adopted name. As you can see, he has no bellybutton. He was found in the woods wandering aimlessly into town, and brought into a foster family of the psychologist whom is helping him. He then discovers that he is, unlike a normal human being. Caught your attention? It sure caught mine. Catch it on youtube. You could also go to Wiki to check out the storyline and episode list if you wanna catch it chronologically.

By the way, for the guys drooling over the girl next to him, she only appears in Season 2.

Had a very interesting Saturday. Celebrated Shiying's birthday at Sakura, and then went to the New Year's Carnival at Marina. Totally cool event! Plenty of photo-taking ops! Unfortunately, I'm still trying to get to grips with the aperture and exposure settings to get the best effect without flash, so bare with it okay? To make a long story short, we took lots of photos, and ate lots of food, in which gave me severe food poisoning...

Some photos below!

These were taken at Sakura. Darren really threw a sweet one for Shiying!

See what I mean by aperture and exposure? Hai..

Darren and his Zodiac.

Classic Darren.

Darren and.. his future job?

Me with my Zodiac.

I have no idea what this is.

After that, I went to this movie shop with Darren, Shiying & Steph where they sold really cool movie memorabilia. I bought 2 Twilight bookmarks! AND, I suddenly had this brainstorm to take a photo that looks similar to the movie's teaser poster below;

So Darren and Shiying became my "models". Well, it turned out quite okay.. but again.. bear with the brutality of photography skills please!

I know you noticed a bit of blurness.. that's due to my shaky hands. Not helped by the fact I had to hold the cam steady while setting the exposure to long.. which means I have to hold it really steady for the picture to be exposed over a period of about 2 seconds! I have shaky hands.

So I tried to do what I was good at. I had Darren jump while setting the exposure to long. Ghostly like effect.

Hard to find a model with a natural smile.

I'm not losing you.. I'm losing myself.

the story ends like this;
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(Sunday, January 11, 2009-)
+12:44:00 PM]*

# 2009+11-

Its been 11 days since 2009 hit. OK I know I promised to blog on the 31st, but I seriously have no idea what to put down. So, I'll start from the 31st!

31st December, 2008:
Held the Annual BBQ at Calvin's place. This year, decided to cut down on food, because for the past 4 BBQs, there's always been major food wastage. It was a sound idea! I'll explain more later. Anyway, the usual people were in attendance, Tiffany, Darren, Shiying, Ryan, Calvin, Stephanie, Daniel, Wei Zhong, & Leon. Dickson, Stella, Zach and Joanna dropped by later. We also had 3 guests, courtesy of Calvin! Shiyu, Mei Chi and Jingru joined us for the BBQ. Nice peeps. Had a whale of a time chatting. Shiyu was instrumental in the Twister game, and also her photos. As shown below;

Classic consternation.

Compromising position. Poor Calvin.

The reason why Calvin can't be a model.

Er.. no dirty thoughts please.

After the game, Daniel and Leon left, as they had another gathering to attend. Dickson, Stella, Zach and Joanne left as well. They had to go get something from town. Okay. Two can play the same game as well! =)

And then, came the defining moment for 2009 for me. About 30 minutes into 2009, after our heart to heart talk among the people still left, we decided to pack up and head back to Calvin's house. I was one of the last few to leave and reach the BBQ table, and was standing behind Shiying. Suddenly, she turned, and uttered these words to me, within earshot of everyone present;

"Oh my god, you're hot."

Before you entertain any images of Shiying having any fantasies of me, she was referring to my body temperature. If you read the Twilight series, then you'd understand if I said I was having a Jacob moment. Totally warm body. And it was a cold new year's day!

So for the first time ever, with my almost lightning-quick wit and comments, I was lost for words. While the rest were like laughing away. I looked at Darren, he looked at me, and we both burst into laughter, while Shiying was vehemently denying any implications that might come with the comment. And I was joking on how now my best friend's girlfriend could be hitting on me now. Hahaha...

Anyway, once we reached Calvin's place, freshened up, played a bit of card games, and as usual, I crashed first.

1st January 2009:
Woke up, and helped tiffany to prepare breakfast, using the remainder of the BBQ food. We finished up as much as we can, but there was still slight wastage, so I took note of that for the next BBQ. Hung out, watched TV, chatted, and left Calvin's place in the afternoon. And you know what...

I can't remember anything else that happened till today.

Turn off right? OK sorry la. I have a memory of a goldfish. Please please please forgive me.

Anyway, I'll be ORDing this year.. and will be looking to do a degree at NIE. As a PE teacher. That's the only solid route I can think of so far. I'll see how THAT goes.

There's two disconcerting notes from 2008 though. And because of that, I'm making it a 2009 resolution of mine.

I've had enough of people who refuse to reply smses from me regarding outings and so on and so forth. Yes I know you are busy, but I do try to give early notice, and I think the minimum decent thing you can do is to just reply Yes/No to that. Especially for those SMSes I outlined to reply to me whether or not you can make it. You wanna know why? Because I have to take care of the number of people, seats, food and other stuff. Is it so hard to reply one SMS? How would you like it if you keep SMSing the same people for stuff, and only 15% of them reply? Yeah. Its that pathetic. If you think this is because of the BBQ, then you're wrong. It been going on for 2 years. If you don't wanna attend, I'm okay with that, because I know we each have our own lives to live. But to reply yes or no to a friend is that hard? Saddam won't come back from the dead to haunt you if you reply. And replying late... I don't even wanna touch on that. Let's see how you handle things when people reply late.

The last one. This has gone on even longer than the non-reply thing. Sometimes, miraculously, these people reply, and when they appear for the event, they make it as though they expect to be entertained. Well, I'm sorry if I happen to be a bad host, but sometimes, I just want us to gather together to have fun and chat. You want games? SURE! you help me plan then. I have enough of my hands with other things. Notice that I said we have our lives to live. Well, so do I. You know, when I think about all those times where people did things for you guys, example, Evan, James and Calvin doing the BBQing during Ryan's birthday. Wei Zhong and Darren doing the BBQ during the chalet. Tiffany cleaning up the kitchen all by herself when we were done with the steamboat and while we were all enjoying the dog and bone video. Does anyone ever notice that? I approached them and asked them whether they wanted to help. They said they were okay. I feel happy, because they were willing to do things for the group. But it all turns around when I hear people complaining that no one helps them to do cleaning up and other stuff. Give and take people. Have you heard of the before? You friends do something for you, then you do something in return. We are not maids, or servants. so don't come and complain to other people saying we are not doing the share of the work. An empty vessel makes the most noise. I've seen this for a very very long time. And its high time I bring it out in 2009.

I want to make the group a close knit group of friends who are happy and spend great moments together. I think of you guys like family. But the moment shit starts to happen, that's when you know who are the peole willing to stay, and bolt at a moment's notice.

Apologies for the scathing entry on the first month of 2009, but like I said, its time for me to bring it out. I'm not going to hide feelings and opinions any longer. Yeah sure we each have our own characteristics, but I strongly believe in making ourselves useful, instead of a liability. If you insist to be a liability.. then do me a favour.

Don't come back.

the story ends like this;
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